Unknown Past, Welcome Back

lies, lies, lies once again
truth unfolds and fixes itself
trembling hands and suicidal memories
the past comes back to haunt me

but i want it to
i need it to
i would love it to

to what?
to kill me, of course

absurd, that notion
to those who may think
im the one who changed for him

for who? for what? to come back to it again
to go back to pain
to blood, and as always, to tears
to my lovely, ever-undying fears

embrace them, will you?
defeat them, dont be the fool
live them, and accept them all
its ok if you have to fall

is it okay that im so young?
that i cannot figure this out
jealous, hate, doubt, please
tell me whats wrong with me?

smiles, laughter, all lies from me
im sorry, im not, sever my skin
blood and burning, knives and scars
destroy your battles, create your wars

eyes quiver behind transparent lids
evenescent hopes and honest fibs
deceit and desolation fill my soul
and im the one who ripped my hole

give up on me, i accomplised that deed
i am the one who wants, who needs
yearns for what, i ask? i kno it, do you?
love, i whisper, affection and truth

what? yell it sweetheart
you know it still wont help
i said i would, i faught the thoughts
its still easy to hurt myself

sorry honey, i broke my promise to you
and ill keep breaking it with Comfort
comfort? will they help, the analgesics?
yea, they can, i kno....they will

{no, u do not and you will never know}

I WILL FIND A WAY WITHOUT YOU
{i wont i wont i cannot...why?}
without who? without pain, of course...but
i cant...i live it too much
say hello to ayesha....
well, to ayesha's past, that is...
he he he


{will you remember me, i ask you as i leave...}